Wednesday, December 28, 2005


This is the 250th post on this blog. As a result of this momentous occasion, I shall share with you this little bit of information:


Ahem. That's better. As an aside, here is my wish list, which shall be updated throughout the upcoming few days. I don't really expect anything, but if you feel like you just have to, there's a rough guide for you to go by. If in doubt, ask me if I have something already. Anything on there, though, is fair game.

I'd love an Observer subscription, but do understand that going through the WO website is much cheaper than the almost absurd price quoted by Amazon.

Remember, I also accept checks, money orders, and even good old fashioned cash. Email for a mailbox address, or look on my Facebook profile.

Gift cards are nice, but fluid currency is much easier on me and you. Cut out the middleman, and give the gift that keeps on giving.

So there is my 250th post, and it's nothing but a heartless shill. What better way to exemplify my site than through blatant commercialism?

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

it's a hit

Rilo Kiley - It's A Hit (pops)

Any band that has a former cast member of "Salute Your Shorts" is alright with me. Well, except for Danny Cooksey. And he knows why. If you meet him, ask him. The douche.

Everybody have a good Christmas? Or, the first three days of Hanukkah, for our Jewish or pseudo-Jewish friends? (Kate knows what I'm talking about. Certain people are only Jewish when it gets them out of confession and penance for doing naughty little things.)

I got gypped this year, but I understand the most of it. My immediate family is not doing so great financially, so we basically had a Ned Flanders "imagination Christmas". (If the words "I got a hula-hoop!" are not coursing through your head at this very moment, I'm not sure I want you to be reading my page.) That's not what bugs me, although the shoddy state of the social security system in this great country could fill a few pages with rants.

What bugs me is my grandmother's Christmas present. I got fifty dollars. I'm not saying it's not enough, because it's extremely generous when you factor in my nine other cousins. What bugs me is that every kid below sixteen got fifty dollars and three individual presents from her. So six kids got bonuses while the three oldest (of which I am the youngest) got the shaft.

Previous Christmases, the younger kids got presents, while the three oldest got the cash equivalent. That's cool with me, because it's easier to cash a check than to stand in a return line. I just would like equality, because you can't tell me its somehow fair for the younger kids to suddenly get more this year when they haven't before.

And I already know I'm going to get shafted again on January 11th (my birthday), because no one seems to remember it. They never even send a card with a token five bucks. Even ghetto kids get that, you know. If I get forgotten when I'm seventeen days away from Christmas, imagine if I was born on the actual day, like my aunt was. She always got double Christmas presents, though, because if you're born on the actual holiday, you don't have an excuse for forgetting.

I guess I'm in that golden range where the Christmas buzz has worn off and the hangover of the New Year has started pounding a neverending drumbeat into the skulls of the masses. Go me.

That about does it for this pity party. Remember, you have only fourteen shopping days before the Feast of St. Suplex, the anniversary of the birth of the third greatest human being to ever walk the earth.

Behind Jesus and Chuck Norris, obviously.

Anyway, it's my birthday on the 11th and I expect presents. Sexy, sexy presents.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

all I want for christmas is you

Mariah Carey - All I Want for Christmas is You (pops)

Well, this is Christmas Eve. So, I figured I had to post something. That something is:

"Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Kwaazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn and dignified Ramadan. And now a word from MY god, our sponsors!"

There's a good chance my cousin is coming home from Iraq either this week or next, so I may be away from a computer, preventing me from posting regularly. Then again, this past week hasn't been a bran muffin of regularity to begin with. So let's just say I'll see you when I see you, okay? Good.

Call or email me for updates, or come and see me if you're out about town.

A REMINDER: The 20,000th hit is just a few clicks away, and the prize for attaining such a lofty mark will be positively scintillating. Mark my words. Scintillating.

Monday, December 19, 2005

don't stop believing

Journey - Don't Stop Believing (pops)

This is by far the most accurate personality test I've ever taken, and it's only three questions. It perfectly describes me, and if anyone disagrees, please say so.

Here are my results:

***Your Personality Is***

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

***End of Results***

The Three Question Personality Test(pops)

So won't you please take this little test? See how accurate you think it is.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

we gonna win

Miri Ben-Ari - We Gonna Win (pops)

Whee! I'm not dead, though my lack of posting may have led you to that conclusion.

I've been photoshopping for about two days solid in an attempt to get that stupid calendar done, and I just had to take a break.

Anyway, here's the deal: I'm about to reach the 20,000 hits mark, and I offered a prize for the last milestone (10,000), so I'm offering one for this occasion as well.

No, I won't tell what it is. Suffice to say, it will reek of awesomeness (and desperation, but that's my natural scent). Once I figure out what it is, that is.

Simply, if you can provide proof that you were the 20,000th visitor (a screen capture would be nice), you get a prize. No matter where you're at, you'll get something, either e-mailed or snail-mailed to you, depending on what I decide the prize will be.

Remember, the counter on the right side of the page is your guide. It counts page views and not unique visitors.

So how about it? You up for a challenge?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

keep hope alive

The Crystal Method - Keep Hope Alive (pops)

Today I did nothing, but that will change tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I've got to start work on the extended family's Christmas gift to the grandparents, namely a calendar. Dad and I are the only two with the requisite Photoshop and desktop publishing skills, so we got volunteered to do it. And to think, I thought I would never use anything I learned in Buoy's class.

Doesn't mean he's not a douche, though.

In addition, my uncle's crazy moneymaking scheme is acually paying off, so I've got some more work to do over the holidays for him setting up websites. It's only a hundred sites (I know, you're thinking "ONLY a hundred?"), but I'll take the work. Lord knows I can use the money. It's drudgery, but I'm getting paid much more than my normal rate for taking this on short notice.

So my holiday went from being leisurely to being jam-packed pretty quick. The calendar shouldn't take more than a couple of days, but staring at the screen doing blemish touch-ups for eight hours isn't good for my eyes. Then, the websites shouldn't take more than four days, as soon as I catch my rhythm again. I'll have to find all of the old passwords and remember all the tricks of doing it as fast as humanly possible, when I could do 75 or 100 sites in a (caffeine-fueled) day.

As a result of all this hustle and bustle, I may not get to post again until next week. Bear with me and you'll get your dark sarcastic lord of mirth back.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

walk away

Franz Ferdinand - Walk Away (pops)

Please tell me I wasn't the only one hoping for a James Gang cover.

Now, you want to talk about your underrated bands, there's a prime candidate.

Anyway, I took my last final today. I don't feel great about it, but I think I'd have to fail the final to impact my grade in there a letter grade, and I don't think I did that badly.

In other news, I bought books for next semester. $345.66, which is less than I spent for this semester's. Three used, one new. Damn you, Spanish 1002. (And I'm fairly sure that won't be the last time those words are found on this page.) The rest were under $75, but Spanish was $125, and it's the thinnest book.

Am I the only one who feels a little ripped off by the lack of hardcover books? It seems to me that if you're going to spend more than $100 on a book, it should be in a format where you can keep it for a little while, if you so choose. I appreciate the lack of heft in my messenger bag, but I'd kind of like a set of books that will last a few years.

Speaking of my messenger bag, maybe I can get some more patches for it next week. Right now, I've got four of the Homestar Runner patches, and they look mighty swank. I'd love some band patches, particularly a "Death to the Pixies" patch.

I haven't shaved this week, so my beard has gotten to the point where it rubs against my neck and chest when my head is down. It's profoundly annoying, but I'm too lazy to shave it off yet. I've got two trains of thought here. One, I can shave it all off and start anew in January. Two, I can let it grow wild and shaggy and maybe get a spot in ZZ Top's touring band.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to catch up on lucha and my sleep. Not necessarily in that order.

If you want to get a hold of me, my phone number's on my Facebook profile, and my email address is on the right side of this page. Call me, email me, maybe we'll do something. I've got a full tank of gas, and I can go buy half a pack of cigarettes.

Monday, December 12, 2005


My Chemical Romance - Helena (pops)

Well, I haven't done a damn thing all weekend.

Actually, I did several things (sleeping, eating, etc.), but you know what I mean.

I haven't done anything particularly interesting, would be the correct statement.

I've got a pimple on my left eyebrow that's bugging me now. It's right on the bone ridge, so it sticks out and rubs on the frame of my glasses. I don't want to pop it, since it would leave a noticable scar, so I guess I'll just live with it.

I've been listening to a string quartet's rendition of a bunch of Garbage songs, and it's amazing how well they hold up. "Special" and "When I Grow Up" sound positively majestic.

Tomorrow I'll take my last final, get gas, and buy books. So I'll be in the hole about $450 or $500 by tomorrow night. I'm glad that little scholarship check came in the mail last week. I've got to get a Spanish book, a World Civ book, a Communications book, and another Psycholgy book, and if I can't get them used, they'll be about $150 a piece, give or take. Hopefully I can find at least a couple used, which could be between $40 and $80 a piece.

I'm not going to trade my current books in, since $15 isn't worth it. Eventually, one day, I might need to know how to set up a logarithmic equation, and I'd hate to have to look it up on Google when I could scavenge the answer from a book I'll have to spend an hour looking for.

After 2:00 tomorrow, I'll probably go to sleep and not wake up until dinner at the earliest. This will set the tone for my entire break, save for occasions when I have to go eat at my grandmother's house.

Wish me luck. I don't know if I can take that kind of schedule.

Friday, December 09, 2005

for the movies

Buckcherry - For The Movies (pops)


(Disclaimer: This list was not compiled by me. I'd leave off most of these and put on a lot more, better, movies. Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Arsenic and Old Lace, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Roman Holiday... The list goes on and on. Anyways...)

Put an (x) by the movies you've seen.

( )Pirates of the Caribbean
( )The Mexican
(x)Fight Club
(x)Starsky and Hutch
( )Never Ending Story
(x)Blazing Saddles
( )Garden State
(x)The Princess Bride
(x)Young Frankenstien
( )AnchorMan
( )Napoleon Dynamite
( )Saw
( )White noise
( )White Oleander
(x)Anger Management
(x)Rocky Horror Picture Show
( )50 First Dates
( )Jason
(x)Scream 2
(x)Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(x)Scary Movie 2
(x)Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
( )American Wedding
( )Harry Potter
( )Harry Potter 2
( )Harry Potter 3
( )Harry Potter 4
( )Resident Evil I
( )Resident Evil 2
(x)The Wedding Singer
( )Little Black Book
( )The Village
( )Donnie Darko
( )Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo
( )Finding Neverland
(x)13 Ghosts
( )Signs
( )The Grinch
( )Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )White Chicks
( )Butterfly Effect
( )Thirteen going on 30
( )I,Robot
( )Dodgeball
( )Universal Soldier
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( )Along Came A Spider
(x)Deep Impact
( )Never Been Kissed
(x)Meet The Parents
( )Meet the Fockers
(x)Eight Crazy Nights
( )A Cinderella Story
( )The Terminal
( )The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( )Passport to Paris
(x)Dumb & Dumber
( )Dumb & Dumberer
( )Final Destination
( )Final Destination 2
( )The Ring
( )The Ring 2
(x)Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
( )Practical Magic
( )Chicago
( )Ghost Ship
( )From Hell
( )Secret Window
(x)I Am Sam
(x)The Whole Nine Yards
( )The Whole Ten Yards
(x)The Day After Tomorrow
(x)Child's Play
( )Bride of Chucky
(x)Ten things I hate about you
( )Just Married
( )Gothika
(x)Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)Sixteen Candles
(x)Bad Boys
( )Bad Boys 2
( )Joy Ride
(x)Oceans Eleven
(x)Oceans Twelve
( )Bourne Identity
( )Lone Star
(x)Predator I
( )Predator II
(x)Independence day
( )Cujo
( )A Bronx Tale
( )Darkness Falls
( )Children of the Corn
( )My Boss' Daughter
( )Maid in Manhattan
( )Frailty
( )How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
(x)Calendar Girls
( )Sideways
(x)Mars Attacks
( )Event Horizon
( )Everafter
(x)Forrest Gump
(x)Big Trouble in Little China
(x)X-Men 2
( )Catch me if you Can
( )The Others
( )Freaky Friday
( )Ring of Fire
( )Hot Chick
( )Swimfan
( )Miracle
(x)Old School
( )The Notebook
( )K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
( )A Walk To Remember
( )Boogeyman
( )Hitch
(x)The Fifth Element
(x)Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
( )Star Wars Episode II: Attack of The Clones
( )Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith
(x)Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
(x)Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
(x)Star Wars Episode VI: Return of The Jedi
(x)Troop Beverly Hills
( )Swimming with Sharks
(x)Air Force One
( )For Richer or Poorer
( )People Under The Stairs
( )Blue Velvet
(x)Sound of Music
( )Parent Trap
( )The Burbs
(x)The Terminator
(x)Terminator 2
( )Terminator 3
( )Empire Records
( )Meet Joe Black
( )A Clockwork Orange
( )The Order
( )Spiderman 2
( )Amelie
(x)Mean Girls
(x)Shrek 2
(x)The Incredibles
(x)The Fast & The Furious
(x)2 Fast 2 Furious
( )Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
( )Closer
(x)Bowling For Columbine
( )Farenheit 9/11
( )The Sixth Sense
( )Artificial intelligence (AI)
( )Love actually
( )Shutter
( )Ella Enchanted
( )Princess Diaries
( )Princess Diaries 2
( )Constantine
( )Million Dollar Baby
( )Envy
( )Eurotrip
(x)Malibu's Most wanted
(x)Big Daddy
(x)Black Sheep
(x)The Breakfast Club
(x)West Side Story
(x)A Christmas Story
( )Spanglish
(x)Pulp Fiction
( )Sleepover
( )The Evil Dead
( )Killer Klowns From Outer Space
( )The Seed of Chucky
( )Vanilla Sky
( )Nightmare Before Christmas
( )Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
( )Interview With The Vampire
( )The Crow
(x)Purple Rain
(x)Wayne's World
(x)Wayne's World 2
( )21 Grams
( )Edward Scissorhands
(x)Beauty and the Beast
( )Guess Who
( )Monster-in-Law
( )Stuart Little
( )Stuart Little 2
(x)Chasing Amy
(x)Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
( )The Last Samurai
( )The Amityville Horror
( )The Aviator
(x)Romeo and Juliet
(x)Barbershop 2
(x)Legally Blonde
(x)Legally Blonde 2
( )The Forgotten
( )Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
( )The Grudge

MY TOTAL: 96 out of 228.

Wow, that's a lot of bad movies that I've succesfully avoided.

See you Monday if I remember to wake up. Tuesday if not.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

when a fool becomes king

The Polyphonic Spree - When A Fool Becomes King (pops)

Could you do me a favor?


Here's what you need to do: click this link a few hundred times.

Okay, maybe not a hundred.

But a few dozen, at least.

Although, I'm not going to stop you from clicking it over a thousand times.

It won't take but a minute of your time, and it'll help me win a StumbleUpon contest. I want to be the number one SU newbie, so that complete and utter strangers will shower me with accolades. You know that's always been my life-long dream ever since, like, yesterday.

And remember: this is only a test-run for the full mobilization of my army of intelligentsia. When will the full mobilization occur? Whenever I find something worthy of mobilizing my entire readership to do something. Perhaps a political cause or something.

Anyway, I took my AmGov final today. Not too bad. Tomorrow is Algebra, which might pose a small challenge.

I saw people today trade in their books at the bookstore in anticipation of not needing them again. It's always funny to see people spend $700 on books a semester, then get $15 back when they trade them in. (I actually know someone who spent that much, and you have to remember that a full semester's tuition at Gainesville is only $775.) Personally, I'll get more use out of them as bookshelf spacetakers for my classroom. It's not worth $15.

Yesterday I got the second half of one of my scholarships, so I'll have some extra spending money once I find time to go to the bank. Who wants to go on a wild, exotic shopping spree?

Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Actually, I won't see you most likely, but you will have the chance to read what I wrote. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

i'd do anything for love

Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) (pops)

No known band has even attempted to cover this song, or "Paradise By The Dashboard Light".

I intend to change this.

It will be both a serious musical statement and the most hilarious event of the century, as I have no vocal talent whatsoever. I will need an expert team of musicians to accomplish this goal, but since I don't know an expert team of musicians, I will be forced to do this myself. The instrumental parts are fairly easy, since I can just program them into a sequencer and be done with it. However, the vocals must be done in the authentic "drunken karaoke" style. And this must be videotaped. You know, for posterity.

All kidding aside, I'm fairly sure that my ultimate purpose on this planet is to be the world's worst and best karaoke singer. With my comical physique and stage presence, my near-encyclopedic lyrical knowledge, and my unflappable willingness to make a complete jackass of myself in front of intoxicated strangers, it is a match made in Heaven. Let me get my lucha mask, and we're ready to go.

I'm all set for my finals for this week and next. It's official that I don't have to take my Psych final. I did the math, and I only have to make above 70 to get an A in algebra, and the other two classes I have solid A's in as well.

I get to sleep in half of Friday and all of Monday, so the weekend should be a sloth-filled excursion into the depths of human laziness. Tuesday is a joke, since the only real difficulties I'll have are this week.

I should get completely drunk on Tuesday night, but alas, I live in a Puritan household which knows not the pleasures of the vine. And I'm too lazy to go visit anyone who would have booze on hand.

Plus, my body is a temple.

A temple to Buddha, apparently, but a temple nonetheless.

With that, I am away. We'll meet again tomorrow, same Suplex time, same Suplex station.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

bleed like me

Garbage - Bleed Like Me (pops)

Shirley Manson proves Wiggum's Theory of Inverse Mental Stability: "Why are the pretty ones always insane?" See also: Angelina Jolie.

As for my unexplained absence, Friday I just didn't feel like it, I never update on weekends, and yesterday I couldn't get into the site to update. Stupid Blogspot. Then again, you get what you pay for, right?

Tomorrow, I'll find out what I made on my Psych test yesterday. I think I did okay, and hopefully I did well enough that I don't have to take my final. I really have no desire to regurgitate all of the trivia I learned in there over the past few months. I'm fairly sure I've forgotten anything truly useful I learned in that class.

I think I'll have to take my Algebra final, not from any fault on my part. Apparently, she isn't going to do what she said and let people with good test grades exempt. Damn it.

So my schedule is like this: Thursday from 10:30 to 12:30 is my AmGov final, Friday from 1:00 to 3:00 is my Algebra final, and Tuesday from 1:00 to 3:00 is my Music final. Then, I'm done. On Tuesday, I'll have to scrounge through the used books and grab next semester's texts. It's not a real money issue, since I've got HOPE's book allowance, but I'm not going to spend any more money than I absolutely have to. Need I remind you I can pinch a penny so hard you can hear it scream?

On my way back from school today, I experienced a musical epiphany: Nine Inch Nails has one purpose in the grand scheme of things, and this is stripper music. Trent Reznor has a gift from on high to create music that makes women want to grind on poles for singles. It's a beautiful thing once you think it through. Circle of life and all that.

Well, it's about time for me to end this little entry. I know you'll be waiting with bated breath to read my next post. Email me or leave comments, because you know you can't keep your love for me to yourself.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

if you leave

Gin Blossoms - Alison Road (pops)
Nada Surf - If You Leave (pops)

Here's the video to make up for yesterday, in addition to today's regularly scheduled programming.

Speaking of which, it's a cover of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark's "If You Leave", slowed down and indie-fied. It's quite tasty. It's also a shame it was on the OC first.

Nada Surf is better than that. They've been unfairly tagged as a one-hit-wonder ("Popular"), when they have far more talent than your average OHW. No one should have to whore themselves out for the OC. Not even Death Cab, who will never recover the credibility they lost by doing so. Sure, they spiked their sales for the short-term, but what about the fans that supported them before they broke, and would have supported them long after? They're firmly alienated, and DC thereby shortened their careers.

Anyway, I'm tired and cranky, as my dissection of mainstreamed indie-pop shows. I only get music-review-y when I'm sick or tired. Ding ding, we have a winner, since I'm both.

I'll be better after a nice long weekend, which starts early for me. No Algebra, since we're supposed to review for our final, which I don't think I'm going to take anyway.

Next week is going to be quick, but hard. A test in Psych on Monday which no one, least of all me, is prepared for, followed by the final on Friday (I think). A Music review on Tuesday, for a test on the 13th. A review in AmGov on Tuesday for a final on Thursday. Then, I can safely lounge away the winter break.

Also, I have to buy next semester's books sometime soon (within two weeks). Not going to be pleasant, but it's got to be done.

Well, I'm done for the day. It's a solid sleep and hopefully no weird dreams, like the one I had last night. It started in a basketball gym (though not WBHS's), moved to a traditional Chinese restaurant where I had a meal with someone I never liked in high school, or ever for that matter, and ended with me telling bad jokes on a stage in front of a bunch of comedians (Tim Allen and Richard Lewis are the only two I can remember clearly).

Why can't I just have a normal sex dream or end up naked in a shopping mall or something?


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