Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Oh shit, I almost forgot. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary for the blog.

We've come a long way way, baby.

Okay, maybe not.

We're still here, though. Persistence!

In honor of this storied occasion, listen to the Undertones, you miscreants. Copy the following link (without the "x" at the beginning) and paste it into your address bar. File is roughly 2.25 MB.


This file will be up for 7 days, or 1GB of transfer bandwidth, whichever comes first. If for some reason it goes down and you want it to be put back up, comment or email me and I'll get around to it.

So, yeah. First anniversary. I've been doing this too long for too little pay. Leave comments, throw parties in my honor, offer sexual favors, whatever.

hand of doom

I really need to become a prophet of the Apocalypse.

I have so much quality material to spin these days. First, you've got good old Katrina, and the "city where the damned call home" completely underwater. Sodom and Gomorrah, anyone? Second you've got rising gas prices. This one writes itself. Third, a seemingly inept leader who is apparently leading us into chaos and anarchy.

The need for street preachers in Barrow County is mounting, and I believe I can help alleviate this struggle. I'll stand on the street corners, Bible in one hand, Jack Chick pamphlets in the other, screaming at passersby. I'll need an accomplice of some sort (Joey) who either pretends to be a cripple and I heal him, or he picks their pockets while they stand around listening to my insane ramblings. I also need someone who has nice handwriting to letter some signboards: THE END IS NEAR, PUT YOUR FAITH IN THE ALMIGHTY, BOW NOT TO FALSE IDOLS, and the like.

I figure I can whip the town into a frenzy within a week. They'll either bend to my every whim, or they'll have my head on a stake at the city limits as a warning to others. So there's a fifty-fifty chance of success. I'm cool with that.

Ludicrous plans aside, life's been alright. Class is boring as hell, but at least I'm not stuck there eight hours a day like I was in high school.

Also, much hotter chicks. Too bad I have no confidence whatsoever when it comes to the opposite sex. That would really come in handy in situations like this.

In Music Appreciation, we're going through simple stuff like intervals, scales, and harmony. I'm falling asleep through most of it, because I'm apparently the only one who took Band in fifth grade. On the plus side, I can read music again. I of course learned how to in Band, but reading music is one of those skills you have to keep somewhat fresh or you lose it. While the teacher is explaining accidentals and arpeggios, I'm going through the (pitiful) book reading the few scores provided. So far, it's helping me play guitar better and write better progressions.

I acquired the first 350(!) issues of MAD magazine. I now am in full cognizannce of exactly where my sense of humor came from. Al Jaffee, Dave Berg, Antonio Prohias, Mort Drucker, Duck Edwing, and Sergio Aragones are who you have to thank for my weird, warped, wonderful funny bone.

I need to find a source for Cracked magazine now. I always liked Cracked a little better than MAD, because it seemed aimed at a younger audience, and it had more of a small-town feel versus MAD's New York City bias. Not to say MAD was horrible or anything, just that as a kid, Cracked appealed more to me. It's going to be a lot harder to find, though, becasue the print run was so much smaller in comparison. MAD was and always has been a nationwide magazine, whereas Cracked was more a Southeast/Midwest magazine.

Enough for now. Go visit LuchaWiki and REPENT, SINNER!

Sunday, August 28, 2005


Just as I was in the middle of writing this post, I get a comment form Kate telling me to update. Cosmic.

I have done very little of note the past few days. I had three quizzes in Algebra (all of which I got 10 out of 10 on). I had a quiz in Psychology that I haven't gotten back yet, but I know I made no higher than an 85 on. I participated half-heartedly in a discussion in American Government on the principles guiding the creation of the United States Constitution. I tried not to fall asleep in Music Appreciation when Hajosy went over the stupefyingly complicated concept of intervals and chords (sarcasm intended).

I got a new software program called Guitar Pro that shows the sheet music to songs while they're playing, plus shows the fretboard positions and the guitar tablature. It also outputs really shitty MIDI versions of songs. The version I got came preloaded with 22,000 songs, but most of them are either weird French-Canadian pop or Swedish Death Metal. I'll stick to Ultimate Guitar, thank you very much. Overall verdict: too time-consuming to use as a composition tool, too awkward and detailed to use as a transcription tool.

I learned a bunch of new songs, like Dennis Wilson's "Forever", Gram Parsons' "Wild Horses" (NOT the Rolling Stones version, even though Jagger/Richards wrote the song itself), "That Thing You Do" from the movie of the same name (song written by Adam Schlesinger from Fountains of Wayne; the best song from the Sixties written in the Nineties), and The Undertones' "Teenage Kicks" (the best pop song you've never heard).

I really should use my BlogDrive account to upload some songs here. Any interest? "Teenage Kicks" would be the first one, because the way I first heard it was downloading it off of some guy I know's blog. I need to keep the circle unbroken.

I'm on Facebook if anybody I know online but not off-line wants to put me as their friend. Email me with your name and school and I'll send out a friend invite. Or, you could just do a search on here for all of the necessary information.

Don't just invite all of the people with my name, though, because the guy from Penn State with my name looks like a douche. A beret? Come on now. Really.

I would love to get hatemail from the beret-wearing douche. It would be the greatest thing in the history of the Internet, thereby validating its existence. Go my minions, make it happen.

In a sad note, I'm playing "Taps" because Rhino has quit blogging forever again. Here's to the memories, and at least this attempt lasted more than five posts.

But seriously, send me the new link in two week when you start up again. Might I suggest a Blogdrive account this time?

(No harm intended in the previous two paragraphs. All in good fun, right-o.)

And my need to blog has been satiated. Have fun and party naked.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I saw the sign

How do you like the new logo? Nice, huh?

Maybe when I get the time, I'll redesign more of the site. Any opinions, comments, questions?

Same as usual on the school front. I'm more tired than usual, but I'm countering that with frequent naps.

I haven't gotten time to read many books lately, but I've been doing a lot of Sudoku puzzles to keep sharp.

I'm going to do a fairly large update of the links on the sidebar within the next couple of days. I know what I'm going to add, but I haven't figured out if I'm going to take any out. There's some sites I dont go to at all anymore, but maybe someone uses the link, and I don't want to take away any referrals I might get.

Oh well, off to the salt mines for another tedious workday. All two hours of it.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

feed me, seymour

Hey, did you know that Blogger has RSS Feeds? Mine is right here. Use it to keep up with all of my latest rants, raves, and ramblings.

I'm going to assume you're smart enough to figure out how to use RSS feeds, but if you're not, here's a quick tutorial. Page two gives a detailed description of how to use them, but for all intents and purposes, just use Firefox and add this site to your Live Bookmarks.

You are using Firefox, right? If not, follow the "Get Firefox" link on the sidebar, and your internet experience will forever be changed for the better.

It's not even a week through school, and I've already got homework out the ass. No, not literally, because thankfully I avoided Human Anatomy. I've got three or four pages of Algebra every class (not hard, but voluminous nonetheless), plus twenty or thirty pages of reading in Psych in addition to the essay questions that are the actual homework.

And that's not counting my other two classes, which haven't really started yet.

Thanks to good old Facebook, I've heard from some people I haven't heard from in a long time (Kipper: the original Ludacris), plus I get to duck some old enemies of mine. You know who you are.

I just wish more colleges were represented, like Darton, Young Harris, and Toccoa Falls, to name a few.

Also, more people should sign up. Joey, I'm looking at you.

I'm tired from the first week's festivities, so that about wraps things up for now. Go watch some lucha, you degenerates.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

school daze

Hi, everybody!

(Hi, Dr. Nick!)

I've got a request (okay, more like a demand) from one of my intrepid readers to detail my day at college. And since you know I can't turn down the request of a pretty lady, here goes.


I'm back from the intellectual wasteland of Gainesville College in Watkinsville. I know that's a little harsh, but here's the thing: in my math class, we went over the Cartesian plane. Apparently, those who don't learn seventh grade Pre-Algebra are doomed to repeat it.

I left the house at 9:00, for a class at 10:00, not knowing what traffic would be like. Traffic is incredibly light, much lighter than you would think for a weekday at 9:00. Apparently everyone is either at work already, or has said "screw it" and called in. I still have to wait five minutes to turn onto 316.

I amble along to Watkinsville, making decent time (27 minutes). No pedestrians were harmed in the journey, so I call it a good run. I park and walk to my first class room. Since I'm over half an hour early, I find a bench to sit down on and promptly engage myself in a game of Cellphone Tetris, as I have a shitty phone and it's either that or Cellphone Arkanoid. I make it to 59 lines before it's 9:50, and I go to the door of the class (General Psychology).

Walking back to the room I see Stacie Luke, who informs me that she has the same class, but she has also been here since 7:45 for an 8:00 Biology Lab. We make small talk, mentioning the people who we've seen (Russell Norman, Brian Ellerbee). We then go in at about 9:55 and wait for scragglers.

At 10:00 on the dot Dr. Hancock walks in. He seems like a nice guy, but one you don't want to make mad. More Perry than Card, if that makes any sense to the locals. He's an ex-football player (starting nose guard at Michigan), an ex-bouncer, an ex-undercover cop, and a current cognitive psychologist. Standard first-day fare begins. We go over the syllabus, take attendance, and briefly introduce ourselves through Lipton-esque questions like "Favorite movie?", "Favorite sound?", and the one I got, "Favorite Book?". I thought about respecting my English major roots and saying "Catcher in the Rye", but I couldn't withhold my geekiness and instead said "Kingdom Come by Alex Ross".

He finishes very early (10:35 for a 10:00 - 10:50 class), and I make my way to the commons area (in the other building, where all but my first class are at) to soak in the culture and local flavor. Also, to scope out hot chicks. I see Marshall Goode, but he doesn't see me. He looks exactly the same. Horseteeth and all.

I crack open my Psychology book, glancing through the assigned reading: "Chapter One, but I don't expect you to get through it by Friday". So I finish the chapter in ten minutes, and then walk into the actual building. I stand around the door for ten minutes, because there's a class going on inside. The class ends, the people file out looking ever-so-weary, and I get a little bit of a knot in my gut. Those assembled outside the door shuffle in, and they see the same sullen expressions I do.

The teacher within cleans up, then says "Oh, your teacher's coming in a minute, I teach the class before this one." We all breathe a silent collective sigh of relief, and everyone's blood pressure descends into normal territory. The chairs are a fancier kind than we had at WBHS; they're white plastic with bendable portions in the chair back to facilitate the popular algebra gangsta-lean.

The teacher rolls in at 11:00 on the dot, although the room's clock says 9:45. Apparently, the maintenance crew has a little bit of catch-up to do. The teacher's a brash New York Italian named Diane Ruberti, with dyed brassy blond hair and an entirely-too-festive ensemble of a bright orange shirt and flower-print drawstring yoga pants. She proceeds to make a few Georgia jokes (it's too hot in the summer, it's not cold enough in the winter, y'all talk funny-like), not quite endearing herself to the roughly 30 students in the room. She does the standard syllabus rigmarole, then says "Okay, let's take some notes."

At this point, the heart drops in most of the class. I however, came prepared with a notebook, calculator, a pencil, and the actual textbook. I guess the Boy Scout indoctrination holds, even if you weren't ever really a Boy Scout. I get ready to learn, or at least pretend to look interested, and am somewhat dumbfounded by both the material and the reaction of my fellow students. To wit, basic pre-algebra and aghast horror.

We went over the names for everything on the Cartesian plane: "And does anyone know what this point is called? (complete silence) That's right, the origin. Does everyone know what this is called? (yet again, complete and utter silence) That's right, the x-axis."

I actually take notes, because I forgot to bring a real book and it might be looked on in bad taste if I start ignoring her on the first day. I'm one of perhaps half a dozen people I see taking notes; the rest gaze slack-jawed at the board.

She finishes the lesson, actually assigns homework (nine problems, all of which can be checked in the back of the book), and lets us go at 11:45.

I make my way to the car, throw my messenger bag into the passenger seat, call home to let them know I'm alright, and peel out of the parking lot. I arrive at Casa de Foster at 12:17. I'm done for the day.

I am now officially a college student. Now I just have to brush up on my beer-bonging and Ultimate Frisbee skills, go buy a hacky-sack, and bootleg some Dave Matthews concerts.


There. Happy?

Monday, August 15, 2005

after forever

Black Sabbath - After Forever


Have you ever thought about your soul - can it be saved?
Or perhaps you think that when you're dead you just stay in your grave
Is God just a thought within your head or is he a part of you?
Is Christ just a name that you read in a book when you were in school?

When you think about death do you lose your breath or
do you keep your cool?
Would you like to see the Pope on the end of a rope
do you think he's a fool?
Well I have seen the truth, yes I've seen the light and I've changed my ways
And I'll be prepared when you're lonely and scared at the end of our days

Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say
If they knew you believe in God above?
They should realize before they criticize
that God is the only way to love

Is your mind so small that you have to fall
In with the pack wherever they run
Will you still sneer when death is near
And say they may as well worship the sun?

I think it was true it was people like you that crucified Christ
I think it is sad the opinion you had was the only one voiced
Will you be so sure when your day is near, say you don't believe?
You had the chance but you turned it down, now you can't retrieve

Perhaps you'll think before you say that God is dead and gone
Open your eyes, just realize that he's the one
The only one who can save you now from all this sin and hate
Or will you still jeer at all you hear? Yes! I think it's too late.


Bet you didn't know Ozzy Osbourne could write something like that, did you? Well, we're all full of surprises, aren't we?

Yes, this is a stop-gap measure to prevent the page from getting stale. But maybe it will spark some discussion or something. I don't know. All I know is I don't have time to actually write, so this might have to do for a week.

In explanation for the lack of posting: I've got to get used to school, get back into the groove, and earn gas money somehow. Going back and forth to school each day takes a quarter of a tank, and that's a considerable amount when premium is over $2.50 a gallon.

I want to take this time to wholeheartedly sponsor an American-backed coup d'etat of Saudi Arabia, or any petroleum-rich country, for that matter. I hear Yemen is nice this time of year. It doesn't even have to be a real coup. It can even be a putsch. Just get gas under $1.50 and I guarantee I will vote for you.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

love you 'til the day I die

Hey, how about a game of my own? There's seventy-five quotes that randomly generate on my headline. For each quote, name the movie or television show, episode (if applicable), and the character who said it. Some aren't from TV or movies; in that case, name the person or persons who said it and the title of the work (if applicable).

That should kill some time, right? It will also increase my page views by several hundred, making me more attractive to potential advertisers.

Speaking of which, if I put Google ads on here, would some of you be willing to click them every so often? Because I don't want to bother if no one's ever going to click on them and thereby earn me money. Seeing as how the PayPal system has worked so marvelously, I have only a modicum of faith in making any money this way.

I read Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics" yesterday. I am of the firm opinion that everyone should read this, and those that do gain a greater understanding of not just comic books, but all art. McCloud deconstructs the comic book, showing the level of creativity necessary to elevate the form into true art, like the works of Will Eisner, Art Spiegelman, and Frank Miller. You will never look at a newspaper comic the same way, much less a full comic book, after you read "Understanding Comics".

Songs recently learned: Billy Vera's "At This Moment", Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman", and Dolly Parton's "Jolene". All of which are extremely fun to play, but you can really get some anger out when playing "Jolene". Also, I've got Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale" under my belt.

Have at the contest. I know this a short entry, but I'm running around trying to get ready for school and don't have as much time to devote here as I normally do. I promise some semblance of normalcy within the month.

Adios, and remember:

But I hear voices,
And I see colors.
But I wish I felt nothing;
Then it might be easy for me,
Like it is for you.

Monday, August 08, 2005

rotten eggs and the safety of mankind

sexy little devil

My new toy. You might want to upgrade your coverage.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

honeysuckle blue

Tomorrow morning, I'll put up a scan of my brand new toy. It will either scare you or make you laugh with inhuman joy. I would do it now, but the scanner's not on, or connected to my computer for that matter.

I feel as if I accomplished something this weekend: I can now play "God Only Knows" and "Don't Worry Baby" on the guitar, off-key minor sevenths and all. The only problem is my carpal tunnel starts to act up, so it's like the old Daffy duck routine: sure it's a great trick, but I can only do it once.

I REALLY need to start cranking out freelance material, because my money supply is slowly dwindling. The hard part is getting someone to pay me a half-decent wage in this time of copylefts and diminishing returns on publishing endeavors. I'm not asking New Yorker rates here, just maybe a quarter a word for two thousand words. A measly five hundred dollars, and you can stretch that out to four pages depending on typeset.

I need to start doing random prompts again, because the more subjects I can ably write about, the better. Of course I could do a five pager on the role of the Flash in the Superhuman mythos of modern-day America, but could I do the same amount, with the same enthusiasm, on the mating habits of the African Goliath beetle?

Actually, now that I think about it, I could do ten pages on the Flash by tying it in to a cyclical model of Campbell's Hero Saga.

I just read that last sentence out loud and it reminded me of one of the random quotes on the headline: "Look, someone once said, the most important thing in life is not to look like a geek. Do you have any idea how geeky all of this is?"

An authentic Marvel Comics No-Prize for the intrepid reader who can quote the source of that little quote.

I really need to start hanging around with storyboarders and graphic design people who can do an ongoing project with me. Yes, it's a comic book. No, it's not necessarily a capes and costumes book. Think more along the lines of "Powers" or some other non-traditional setting for superpowers. Yes, it's a team book. No, it's not an homage to Teen Titans or the X-Men.

My problem is in the pencils department, as I can ink pretty well, and with the aid of the magical program known as Photoshop, I can do colors and lettering too. I just need someone who can look at a script, take what's on the page and put it down for a rough sketch that looks something like what's in my head.

If by the small, infinitesimal chance someone reads this and is actually interested, let me know and I can send you a spec script to get a look at what you can do. It'll just be a few profiles and a couple of demonstrative action shots.

Well, that's enough on comics, how about wrestling? Simply put, if you have DirecTV and get Galavision, you owe it to yourself to park your rump in front of the screen at 2:00 PM on Saturday afternoons and experience the church of Lucha Libre. Watching Mistico and Ultimo Guerrerro go at it is akin to a religious experience, even for the non-believer. My dad almost never watches wrestling, but he is now a convert to the Cult of Mistico. He won't sit down to watch Raw on Mondays, but he'll sure as shit watch four hours of TiVo'd lucha nonstop, as long as there's some Mistico on there.

And I'm right there with him. It's great. Even Mom, who actively loathes wrestling, stops to watch some of the stuff that little Mexican spitfire does.

Enough of my blathering. Adios, and remember:

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're travelling with me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


Things I have done in my lifetime, as of today:

() Smoked a joint
() Been in a wet t-shirt contest
() Crashed a car
() Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
() Had a threesome
() Been dumped (*I'm guessing "shot down in flames" before getting the chance doesn't count here)
() Shoplifted
(x) Been fired
(x) Been in a fist fight (*and technically I've got a winning record!)
() Snuck out of the house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (*my life story)
() Been arrested
() Made out with a stranger
() Gone on a blind date
(x) Lied to a friend
(x) Had a crush on a teacher (*7th grade - Ms. Taylor. Skinny blonde straight out of college. Wore too much make-up. Hot in that "drunken mechanical bull-rider" way, if that makes any sense.)
() Been to Europe
() Skipped school
(x) Seen someone die
() Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
() Been on a plane (*helicopter, though)
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
() Thrown up in a bar
() Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
() Eaten Sushi
() Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone from the internet in person
(x) Been moshing at a concert
() Been in an abusive relationship
(x) Taken painkillers (*I had a prescription. I swear!)
(x) Love someone or miss someone right now
(x) Lay and watch cloud shapes go by
(x) Made a snow angel
() Had a tea party
(x) Flown a kite
(x) Built a sand castle
(x) Gone puddle jumping
(x) Played dress up (*I was young, it was the drama room, the wig fit, that's all I'm saying. And I looked absolutely fabulous in that feather boa.)
() Jumped into a pile of leaves
() Gone sledding
(x) Cheated while playing a game
(x) Been lonely
() Fallen asleep at work/school
(x) Used a fake ID (*stolen passwords count, right?)
(x) Watched the sunset
(x) Felt an earthquake
(x) Touched a snake
(x) Slept beneath the stars
(x) Been tickled
(x) Been robbed
(x) Been misunderstood (*story of my life, part 2)
(x) Pet a reindeer/goat
(x) Won a contest
() Run a red light
() Been suspended from school
() Been in a car accident
(x) Had braces
(x) Felt like an outcast
() Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Had deja vu

(*Digression time. More than just deja vu. I've had entire days where I've been pre-cog. I had a vision of ninth grade in third grade, and it came true, when at the time I knew none of the people in the ninth grade room. I was freaked out for a week, both when the vision happened and it came true. It happens all the time to me, but what's weirder is when the people around me have the same feeling. I blame the asbestos, power lines, and microwave tower.)

() Danced in the moonlight
(x) Hated the way you look
(x) Witnessed a crime
() Pole danced
() Been obsessed with post-it notes
() Walked barefoot through the mud
(x) Been lost
() Been to the opposite side of the world
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying (*entire sixth grade year. IBS is a hell of a disease, especially when you throw an ulcer or two in there.)
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers (* but I did play GI Joe and Cobra, which is cooler and sadder at the same time.)
() Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
() Sung karaoke
() Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
() Made prank phone calls when you were younger
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
() Danced naked in the rain
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
() Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
() Had a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(x) Gone rollerblading
(x) Had a wish come true
() Worn pearls
() Jumped off a bridge
() Screamed the word penis in public
() Ate dog/cat food
(x) Told a complete stranger you loved them
() Kissed a mirror
(x) Sang in the shower
() Owned a little black dress
(x) Had a dream that you married someone (*you know that whole pre-cog thing? Funny story...)
(x) Glued your hand to something
() Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
() Kissed a fish
() Worn the opposite sex's clothes
() Been a cheerleader
() Sat on a roof top
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs
() Done a one-handed cartwheel
() Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) Stayed up all night
() Didn't take a shower for a week
(x) Picked and ate an apple right off the tree
() Climbed a tree
() Had a tree house
(x) Are NOT scared to watch scary movies
(x) Believed in ghosts
() Have more than 30 pairs of shoes
() Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
() Gone streaking
() Played chicken
() Been skinny dipping
(x) Been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on (*I almost drowned. I was six.)
() Been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
() Broken a bone
(x) Been easily amused
() Caught a fish then ate it
() Caught a butterfly
(x) Laughed so hard you cried
(x) Cried so hard you laughed
() Mooned/flashed someone
(x) Had someone moon/flash you
(x) Cheated on a test
(x) Forgotten someone's name
() Slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
(x) Grown a beard

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Yo Joe!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


So I got the new Fountains of Wayne album (2 CD set) of b-sides, novelty singles, and covers.

The world would be a better place if we could all just sit back, listen, and groove to the main guitar line of "Maureen", which will firmly entrench itself in your synapses, residing there all day even as you're trying to get something resembling work done.

Said work was assembling the quotes for the headline generator that replaced the "Don't be afraid" tagline at the top of the page. Since it's been a long time since I did anything like webpage design, I had to scour the internet for a JavaScript tutorial to refresh my memory on how to do a pseudo-random generator. That was the comparatively easy part. Then I had to go through Wikiquote and find enough quotes to fill my insane goals.

I didn't realize how much of an influence Animaniacs was on my life.

Also, Daria, The Tick, and John Hughes movies.

Wow, that sounds like a bad personals ad. "Must like the Tick, Animaniacs, John Hughes, Voltaire".

Speaking of bad personal ads, I amused myself today by signing up for one of the more inane dating sites, OKCupid. There is entirely too much work going into the profiles on here. If we could somehow funnel the manpower used to create dating service ads, we would have cured cancer by now.

Then again, I not only spent some of today making a profile on said site, I also wasted the better part of the day looking at wikipedia comic book character profiles and learning how to play forgotten 80's pop songs (Aztec Camera rocks!), so I'm not exactly the authority on efficient use of time and resources.

For you non-local readers, my home county reputedly has the highest incidence of cancer in the United States, but the actual statistics are suppressed.

Yes, we beat New Jersey.

And I live across the road from what used to be an asbestos mine, so I'm essentially doomed. I also live under a power line, and less than a quarter of a mile from a microwave transmitter.

If I develop superpowers, you'll know that spiders or crash-landing aliens had little to do with it.

All I need is the cape, I've already got the mask.


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