doctor worm

I finally caved in and got a myspace. You can imagine the address. If you've got one, add me. We'll have oh so much fun.

Here begins the rant of the day:

Would somebody teach the kids there some basic webpage design skills? I mean, this site is riddled with HTML inconsistencies, but at least it's readable.

And no damn horizontal scrollbars. Really, come on now.

Also, no one wants to hear your band. They suck. I hate to tell you, but ninety percent of the bands on myspace are on myspace for a reason: they suck, and can't get an actual record deal. As such, they spend all their time trying to get on peoples' friends list, instead of getting, you know, GOOD.

Whoever invented the inline music player on there needs to be shot, although it's a thousand times better than the random people putting video codes in the comments.

No animated backgrounds. Period, end of story.

No huge images that obscure text.

Don't put every one of your quiz results on your profile. I assure you, no one cares.

I think that one of my favorite wrestlers Shirley Doe put it best when he said: "MySpace...it's like Livejournal, but gayer."

As far as Livejournal goes, well, that's a barrier I'm not willing to cross. I've read entirely too much of the Encyclopedia Dramatica to even think of getting a LiveJournal.

I'd like to add a new level to Shirley's quote: "MySpace... And you though Xangas were bad."

st. elmo's fire

After the resounding response to my last music post (*crickets chirp*), I decided to spice the template up a bit.

I introduce to you the offical suplexmasta.blogspot.com mascot, Dave the Penguin. He's way down there at the bottom, but he's there.

I got a reprieve at work on Monday. I signed in to my work station, checked my work email, and saw that the overbosses had said "no mas", and that I had done more than enough work to satisfy their needs. So I'm done for the near future.

Which means three things:

1. I no longer have to get up at the crack of dawn and toil at a keyboard all day
2. More time on the internet looking at pornog... err, educational material
3. I no longer get paid the big bucks

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

I'm already feeling the weight of summertime boredom again, but this time I have a big stack of money facing me down while I'm there, tempting me to go blow it all on something useless, like a Time-Life Collection of Scandinavia's Greatest Folk Songs, available on fourteen CD's for the low, low price of seven easy payments of $39.95!, plus $712.42 shipping and handling, sorry no C.O.D.s.

I guess I need to go look for a car. Anyone want to help out a poor college kid find a half-decent automobile that will last for four or five years? I've got maybe three grand, and I'm not too picky, just an automatic with A/C and less than 150,000 miles. Preferably a four seater with good gas mileage (20+).

I also accept donations made out to the "Get an Internet Superstar Some Damn Wheels Foundation", c/o suplexmasta@gmail.com.

I need to get a PayPal account, too. Maybe I could drum up a little money through the literally ones of visitors I get a day. Put a little donation box in the corner, then rig a pop-up to come up every 45 seconds or so to remind you to donate.

No, that would be annoying.

I just might do it then.

In other news, decode the secret message:

----

x D6E FA 2 ?6H AC2?< I2?82[ ;FDE :? 42D6] %96 E:A\@77 D9@F=5 36 E96 FD6 @7 42C?6J =2?8F286 :? E96 AC@7:=6[ 3FE E92EVD 72:C=J @3D4FC6 6?@F89 E@ <66A >@DE A6@A=6 @77 @7 E96 EC2:=] $2J 96==@ E@ E96 ?6H Q6>A6C@CQ :? E@H? H96? J@F D66 9:>] xVG6 8@E 2 ?:46 4@?G:?4:?8 3242<6 DFC6 E@ FD6 :E DA2C:?8=J[ D@ 2D ?@E E@ CF:? E96 >28:4] x 2=D@ ?665 E@ >2<6 :E D66> >@C6 =68:E>2E6 3J 5@:?8 >@C6 C68F=2C A@DED] |2J36 x D9@F=5 ;FDE 92?5 :E @77 E@ y@6J @C D@>63@5J]

----

No prize for decoding, but keep it under your hat if you figure it out. It's still fairly obstruse, even once you decode it.

And no, it's not in Klingon, although I do know of a good translator.

That should do it for a while.

Adios, and remember, "6>A6C@C D@4<@ :D J@FC 7C:6?5"

follow you down

-------

Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down

-------

Did you see the sky
I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still I can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and I'll swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

How you gonna ever find your place
Running in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell now, we've already been forever damned

Anywhere you go I'll follow you down...

-------

I think I figured it out. The Gin Blossoms were Weezer, but with Gram Parsons instead of the Cars, and with alcoholism instead of geeky alienation.

And, as much as it pains me to say it, Rivers Cuomo has nothing on Doug Hopkins, Scott Johnson, Bill Leen, Phillip Rhodes, Jesse Valenzuela, and Robin Wilson. You want pathos? The Gin Blossoms had pathos in spades.

The GB's formed in Tempe in 1987, with a backbone of lifelong friends Bill Leen (bass) and Doug Hopkins (guitar). Initially, they went through the growing pains of any young band, losing and replacing several members before being signed by A&M Records in 1989 with a lineup of Leen and Hopkins, Phillip Rhodes on drums, Jesse Valenzuela on guitar, and the vocal talents of Robin Wilson.

Having self-released an album before their record deal (the full album "Dusted"), they were prepared to come out with a bang on their major label debut, the 1991 EP "Up and Crumbling". The record received a modicum of praise, and more importantly, college radio airplay, establishing them as a creative force.

The band followed the semi-success of their EP with a full length debut, "New Miserable Experience", in 1992. Utilizing songs from "Dusted" and "Up and Crumbling", the album represented the full strength of Doug Hopkins' songwriting talent, in addition to the rest of the bands considerable output.

However, the recording sessions did not go well from a personal standpoint, and by the time of the album's release, Hopkins had been forced out of the band due to his rampant alcoholism and crippling depression. He was replaced at guitar by Scott Johnson.

The single "Hey Jealousy" was perhaps the pinnacle of Hopkins' craftsmanship. It tells of a man who refuses to accept his fate as a dumped ex-boyfriend, and who wishes for nothing more than a reconciliation. However, the protagonist won't change, saying instead "And you can trust me not to think/ And not to sleep around/ If you don't expect too much from me/ You might not be let down". The lyrics and music reflect the brilliance that can occur through the heartbreak of depression, and how chemical imbalances can be channeled into art, a la Van Gogh or Mozart.

The album's sales were moderately successful, until the summer of 1993, when the singles "Hey Jealousy" and "Found Out About You" began receiving major airplay from mainstream radio and even MTV. The album eventually topped one million sales, and thereby earned platinum status.

Just as the sales of the album reached their peak, Doug Hopkins took his own life on December 5, 1993.

This obviously shocked the band and led them to a contemplative break from recording for two years.

They returned in fine form, with the major radio hit "Till I Hear It From You", off of the "Empire Records" soundtrack. The song became their most played hit, but was not released on their next album, "Congratulations, I'm Sorry" in 1996. This album produced the song you see above you, "Follow You Down", the first major non-Hopkins song that received both critical success and massive airplay.

"Follow You Down" is a collaborative effort, as it was written by all of the members of the band at the time. The song sums up the entire thrust of the Gin Blossoms, the melancholy of alcoholism intermingled with the melancholy of lost love. It is impossible to see which topic is addressed at which time, so well have the two threads of thought been intertwined.

It reflects the hopelessness of lost love, as the protagonist wishes only to return to what he truly knows, the loving embrace of his mate. Alternately, the song reflects the hopelessness of alcoholism, as the protagonist is drawn into the ever-tightening spiral of his addiction by his need to return to "the places (he) knows by heart".

In both cases, the protagonist resists his urge, saying he will follow his addiction down, "but not that far", meaning his absolute depths as either an alcoholic or an abusive partner. He recognizes he can't return, and he shouldn't return, because he's better off not succumbing and hurting himself.

"Congratulations, I'm Sorry" did well in sales initially, but dropped off of the charts fairly quickly. The band disbanded in 1997, having released a string of brilliant singles to only a fraction of the acclaim they should have achieved.

The band reformed at the end of 2001, without Phillip Rhodes, for a one-off New Years' Eve gig. The band then proceeded to tour throughout the next year, releasing a live DVD and preparing for a new album.

Now, having written all of that, I realize that the Weezer comparison is shoddy at best. If anything, the Gin Blossoms were a country-influenced version of the Replacements, but with a staggering, tragic blow preventing them from lasting success.

growing on me

I drove to my new school Sunday. It's twenty minutes from my house, fifteen miles. Dead simple to get there, too: just get on 316, turn right on the Oconee Connector, then go through two lights and it's on the right. Can't miss it.

I'm confident about my upcoming driving test. I can get almost anywhere now, and safely to boot. I obey all traffic laws, don't have a lead foot, and can park reliably and accurately. I just need to learn how to parallel park and I'm in business.

My job still sucks, but I'm determined to stick it out for another couple of weeks. Maybe I can find a car between now and then, so I know exactly how long I have to work to be able to afford it. I'm not working a minute more than I have to. The monotony is too much, and my carpal tunnel is getting worse entirely too fast for my tastes.

I need to start writing again and sending material out to magazines so I can get published. I need a muse, though, and it's hard to be frustratedly in lust without daily physical interaction with the target of your affection.

You know, I used to think that the whole "muse" thing for artists and writers was bullshit. Then I lost my muse, and realized it wasn't. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. Seems there's a reason I can't write during the summer besides general procrastination. This site is the only writing I really do, and it's far too inconsistent to count for all that much.

I spent the afternoon (after I did my work for the day) looking for "A Horse of a Different Color" for my cousin, who is on leave from Iraq for two weeks.

It's hard to see someone you love, respect, and admire come back from a turning point in their life a completely changed person. But it happens, and I understand why. He's been on certain missions that can't really be spoken about in open channels, and he's seen things and done things he's not altogether proud of.

On the plus side, he got his ass handed to him in a jiu-jitsu/MMA/NHB match by Royce Gracie, and how many people can say that? (The Gracie family has a training relationship with the Army, and Special Forces does extensive martial arts work.)

I've been watching a lot of old cartoons lately. Heathcliff and Marmaduke, Muttley and Dick Dastardly,the Snorks, Wally Gator, Magilla Gorilla and the like. It's frightening to think how many jokes and gags I subconsciously steal from all these old cartoons. And it's more frightening to think of how much television I actually watched as a kid. An average of eight hours a day for eighteen years = 8*365*18= 52560 hours of television, roughly.

And no, I'm not exaggerating about the eight hours a day part. I was (and still am) an information sponge. Think of all the time I've wasted on the internet in addition to that, plus all the books I've read, and it's downright scary.

There, I think I scratched my writing itch for a day or two. Adios, and remember: "Homestarrunner.net: It's dot com!"

one by one

You may ask yourself: Why am I not as cool as Suplexmasta?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the 'Net. I have the complete series of the Centurions.

And they are so cheesy, but they kick ass so much. "POWER... EXTREME!"

I finally got to watch One Night Stand. Well, half of it. I stopped right before Benoit's entrance.

Psicosis really worked his ass off in his match. Rey Rey... not so much. Psic took all the big bumps, save for the suicida senton. Psic also tried to interject some psychology into the match by selling the leg damage, but Rey didn't bite.

Super Crazy proved he is El Insano Luchador with the balcony moonsault. Although he actually did one of the safer insane dives I've seen, as he had the right trajectory to not break his neck.

Speaking of broken necks, Sabu was surprisingly quick and agile for a guy who spent 91 days in a hospital not a year ago. He did misplace the chair on the Arabian Skullcrusher, though. Rhino looked really good.

That's really as far as I've gotten.

Today I went to my cousin's birthday party, talked with some relatives who I'm not sure how they're related to me, and got to listen about how Heath's working his ass off from his grandmother. Heath's first cousin once removed is my aunt, so we have two relatives in common, the aunt's children, one of which turned one this week. The kids are my first cousins and Heath's second cousins.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit my job either at the end of this week or next week. To steal a line from Roddy Piper, everytime I figure out the answers, my overbosses (my boss's bosses) change the questions. I'm sick of prolonging their little pyramid scheme, and I've already made enough money to get a half-decent used car.

On the plus side, working at the computer all day has made my carpal tunnel much worse. Wait, that's not a plus. Nevermind. But my hands go numb at random intervals and my wrists are sore a lot more often than usual. No jokes from the peanut gallery.

Sometime this month Ryan, Ryan, and I will take Joey out to celebrate his birthday. Hooters and a sleazy strip club are on the menu. The line on Joey having a seizure is 3 to 2.

And on that note, we cue the music. Adios, and remember to floss biweekly.

hey boy, hey girl

Server went up today, so my ass was firmly entrenched in the office chair, putting out fires before actually starting work. So, I completed maybe half of what I usually get done. They changed the inventory system, so I had to rework MY system to coincide with their new system. Now I'm half as efficient, but the server did get upgraded so it moves a little faster.

Speaking of speed, my internet connection has been subpar lately. No drops, but just really laggy speeds. Could be the five gigs of stuff I'm currently "acquiring" and the fact that my router makes me unconnectable as far as BT goes, but it stil shouldn't be this slow. I'll do a virus check on all three comps, but it's probably my huge D/L and general lag. I really need to reconfigure my router and/or get a new one that doesn't act as a DHCP server. Need to work and earn money first, though.

I made my appointment for my license test today. August 7th. Thank God I shouldn't have to take the written test again, but the driving portion is fear-inducing enough as it is. I'm going to the Athens site, so if anyone has any particular advice for that course, let me know. I'm pretty good, except I need to work on parking and parallel parking in particular. What's weird is I make great left turns, but my right turns suck.

Eh, I hate driving anyway. Necessary evil and all that.

I read the Invisibles completely over the weekend, during my unscheduled work sabbatical. Man, he just got "weird for weird's sake" at the end of it. I still don't understand issues 12 through 1 completely, and I'm pretty much a master of comic books, occult paraphernalia, and British literature. The first two volumes were great, though.

I find myself listening to more and more gangsta rap lately. I got the entire B.I.G. discography, and I really really like most of it. The parts without the overpowering Puffy influence, mostly. I can't stand his constant "uh, yeah, uh, yeah" bit.

I need a combination of caffeine and bad gameshows to start my day, so I grab a cup of coffee (3+3) and an episode or two of either Match Game or Family Feud on GSN. Richard Dawson is the fucking man, and I include both the game show host and the newly-engaged DVDVR poster in that statement. Seems like everyone I know is either getting hitched or pregnant these days. Fine by me, because I like weddings (bachelor parties) and babies (my crazy-uncle tendencies).

I rediscovered the greatness that is Kirby. No, not the former Minnesota Twins slugger, but the delightful pink puff of air that is HAL Laboratories' Kirby. That is easily the best NES game ever. Yes, it beats out Zelda. Yes, it beats out Golgo 13. Yes, it beats out Super Mario Brothers 1-3.

To combat boredom today, I listened to Sabu's shoot interview. He seems like a genuinely nice guy who is just more interested in doing his job than making friends. He seems like he'd be fun to smoke out with, as evidenced by him smoking a joint most of the way through the interview. Tomorrow I'll probably listen to some old Meltzer interviews or the Jeff Hardy shoot.

I read both Missy Hyatt's book and Roddy Piper's first book. Missy seems like a few of my female friends, for better or for worse, and Piper reminds me of a lot of my relatives on my dad's side, for better or for worse. Piper's theory on "the sickness" is spot-on, in my mind, and he seems like a prime candidate for finally explaining it. He saw several people die before his eyes, both figuratively and literally, and he put the threads together. Kerry Von Erich is the most striking example of it, but not the only one.

You know something's wrong when, out of five Von Erich kids that made it to adulthood, three definitely killed themselves, one probably killed himself, and only one is alive to tell the tale. All of the deaths occured within nine years of each other, too. More information is available at Wikipedia, for those that aren't familiar with all of the details.

Wow, didn't mean to end that one on such a downer. More later when I get time between new glasses, working, driving, and trying not to smash three computers with my bare hands.

verdict

"We, the jury, find the defendant not guilty by reason of celebrity."

bang bang boom

I'm bored.

Really bored.

I'm so bored I'd almost rather be working. That bored.

On the plus side, I've cemented myself as a hardcore comic book geek, as I read over 250 issues of Uncanny X-Men in three days.

That can't be all that healthy.

I just picked up the entire run of "The Invisibles", which is the most bizzaro version of a superhero team book possible. The first assumption necessary in reading it is simple: every single conspiracy theory you've ever heard is completely true. There are engines capable of running on pure water that have absolutely no emissions, but the petroleum companies supressed the technology. Oswald didn't kill Kennedy; a Russian monkey who was bathed in cosmic radiation in space pulled the trigger. The government developed a number of viruses, such as AIDS, to control the "undesirable" population. Time travel is possible, and there are a large number of "tourists" on the planet at any given time.

So it's perfect for a paranoid like me.

Oh, and the principle guiding the entire series is the world will end on December 12, 2012. That's the main focus of the team.

I've watched very little wrestling in the past few days, but I've got two weeks of lucha Tivo'd in addition to Monday's Raw that I need to watch. I caught most of Raw live, but I wasn't paying that much attention besides the very beginning and the very end.

Thanks to living in Georgia in the summer with a shitty power company, my power's gone off every single night for the past few days because of the sudden thunderstorms.

My satellite recievers are out of wack and I need to reset the favored channels. It seems like we get at least one new channel a week.

Last month we got the new soccer channels, which don't do me a bit of good as I hate soccer but love rugby (union sucks, league rules).

This month we got the Fox Reality channel, which is better than it sounds. I loved "Last Comic Standing", and they show it with no commercials and new commentary from the contestants.

Points to the person who can name the origin of the post title, plus a free copy of the source material.

Enough rambling for now. Listen to death metal and drop acid.

one-way ticket

I woke up at about 8:00AM, then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep until 10:45. My shoulder is throbbing from a marathon game of horseshoes with my grandfather, who absolutely owned me, and the added burden of carrying around my soon-to-be-one-year-old cousin for an hour or so. Plus I had to load all the party stuff into the car, unload it at the park, load it back in at 9:30 last night when it was pitch black outside, and unload it in the house at 10:30, where it was even darker.

When I finally got up, I checked my work e-mail and found out that the server's down until at least the 13th, so I can't do anything until then. So, no money's coming in between now and then. On the plus side, I get to work on driving, so maybe I can get my license before the end of the month.

It's been determined I'm free from getting a real job until at least January, so I can lounge around for another six months. I've got some float time to get acclimated to school and the schedule.

With my schedule next semester, I'll be able to help with the Academic Bowl if I choose. I'll get out at 2:00, and I can be in Winder by 3:30 easy.

Since I'm off of work for the next week or so, I should be able to get some things done with my computer, mainly offlading all of my downloaded stuff to CD's so I can reclaim some harddrive space. If I could work, and therefore make money, I would just buy either a second harddrive or a DVD burner to unload stuff. As it is, I'll have to split files so they fit on 750 MB discs.

Well, I guess I had fun last night.

That reminds me, I need to send Joey and Adam some porn.

And send Ryan some weird German porn.