love is only a feeling

The Darkness - Love is Only a Feeling (pops)

I hate this time of year.

It's worse than Christmas, because on Christmas, there's always your family to fall back on.

On Valentine's Day, if you don't have anyone, it's you against a tide of advertising, programming, and the pervasive feeling of "not fitting in". Love, and the world loves you. Don't love, and the world is indifferent to your plight, possibly even actively against you. It sucks.

On top of that, it's the time fo the year when the teachers realize they don't have any grades, and that project they've been meaning to assign needs to be on this quarter's report. I get to wall up in my room and do nothing but research and write for a few weeks, and the teachers look good on their evaluations. Everybody wins, or not.

I haven't been able to do any of the things I like to do, like play video games or watch lucha or write for pleasure (like on here, for instance) because I've got too much work to do. The word "burn-out" is slowly flickering in my mind. I swear, if the pace doesn't let up a little bit, I'm going to completely stop giving a shit. As it is, I'm giving maybe three-quarters of a shit at best. More than not, it's less than half.

The sad, frustrating thing of it all is this: the more trouble I have writing something like a paper, the worse I feel. The worse I feel, the more trouble I have writing. The creative process, when it works, is the best thing in the world. When it doesn't, it's like pulling teeth with no anaesthesia.

And it comes back around to not having anybody to bounce ideas off, to help me let off some frustration.

I hate this time of year. I really do.